Oh, Boy! Getting ahead of myself.

My baby boy smiles at me now.  I'm not sure if there is a greater reward in life than the pure, unabashed joy of a baby smiling just at the sight of your face.  It makes me so incredibly happy that we decided to take the leap and have one more child.  I have loved raising my girls, obviously, and they bring me joy every day.  But this little boy has a strangle-hold on my heart that I never expected. 

I told Matt when we found out we were having a boy that I just hope I raise him in a way that if he's ever on TV he will say "Hi" to me.  We had been watching the state high school hockey tournament when I made that comment.  After having two children already, I'm highly aware that you don't just 'have a BABY.'  You have a human being that you have to raise through many, many stages, and the baby part is over quickly.  Then, before you know it, they are talking back and have a will of their own.  I haven't gotten to the teenage years yet, and the thought of a teenage boy in the house was such a foreign idea!  Will he mope around and not talk to me, talk back to me, be crazy and reckless?  Maybe all of the above.  (This was while he was still in my belly, so I realize I was getting a little ahead of myself.)  So I watched these boys playing hockey, trying to get my mind around raising a boy and all that it would mean.  They would skate into their lineup before the game, and look into the camera.  Most of them said, "Hi, Mom!"  Others didn't, and even though there may not be any big reason for it, I felt so bad for those moms. 

Now I can't wait for every moment, and even though he's not even two months old I keep wanting to drag my heels into the dirt and make time slowww down.  I know only too well how fleeting this time is, and knowing it's likely our last kid makes me want to hold on tight to his babyness.  Night feedings and being back to work make me tired like any mom, but it really is the sweetest time in the world.  I love the quiet.  It's the only time our house IS quiet, and I hold him and dance with him without any music.  I feel his sweet breath on my neck and hold his little butt at my chest until he's humming and sound asleep.  I feel sad thinking that in a blink we'll be dancing at his wedding and someone else will take care of him.  And then I think, if that bitch hurts my son, she will have a fiery wrath come down on her the likes of which she has never seen.